Sometimes we say something and immediately realize our mistake, but sometimes we don’t realize the damage caused by our question. So, I present to you ….

Unintentionally rude questions to quit asking people:

 

“Did you lose weight?”

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You’re trying to be kind, we get it. But some people hear this as, “you used to be super fat.” So instead of questioning the weight loss, just say, “you look great!”

 

“Are you tired and/or sick?”

You’re asking out of concern, but that concern is sparked by that individual looking a kind of like shit. So, just keep your question to yourself unless they start sneezing or coughing up a storm.

 

“Are you pregnant?” OR “When are you due?”

This one can be tricky, so unless you’re 100% sure someone is knocked up – don’t ask. Ask someone else who might be a little more in-the-know. And if you’re a dude, just never ask this…ever. You can ask someone how they’re doing (while not staring at their belly) and if they want to tell you about the uterus’s houseguest, they will.

 

“Can I touch your belly?”

Go away…

Don’t ask a pregnant woman if you can touch her belly, unless you’re like hella tight. Touching a pregnant woman’s belly without her permission is actually illegal in Pennsylvania. The magic of life, bla bla bla … I get it. But, back off. This is probably a good general rule for any stranger’s belly, pregnant or not.

“Why aren’t you breastfeeding?”

I just ate. Don’t worry about the method.

There’s a weird amount of concern, stigma and judgement when it comes to breastfeeding. A woman can and chooses to breastfeed – awesome! A woman cannot or chooses not to breastfeed – awesome! Also, don’t be weird about a woman breastfeeding in public.

 

“Are your boobs real?” or “Did you get work done?”

Quit focusing on boobs.

If someone did get some work done, they are asking you to suspend your disbelief. So suspend it. You don’t watch Terminator 2 and say “That’s not real” do you?

 

“How’s the breakup going?”

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It’s going fucking terrible, thanks for asking and bringing it up, asshole.

 

“Why did you and your ex breakup?”

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Unless you are close with this person (and are sure you’re actually good friends) don’t ask this question. This is even more off limits if the breakup is recent. Also, do you really wanna hear that 1.5 hour story? I didn’t think so.

 

“Do you still talk to (insert name of ex here)?”

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If the person isn’t talking to you about them, don’t ask. They might not talk about the person because it’s still too painful. Definitely don’t bring up the person because you want to let your friend know their ex is dating someone (even if the person is ugly and boring).

 

“Why aren’t you engaged or married yet?”

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Because I’m a fucking monster, okay?! No, but seriously, don’t ask someone this question, the answer is either going to be awkward, super sassy, sad, annoyingly philosophical, or just so damn long.

 

“Why don’t you have kids?” OR “When are you going to have kids?”

Maybe this individual, who’s uterus you’re so concerned about, can’t have children …or maybe your kid sucks so much it turned her off from motherhood … or maybe she has decided she doesn’t want to have children, and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

“Are you gay?” Or even worse, “Are you a gay?”

This is none of your business, period. This is even more none of your business if you just met this person. And it’s gay, the person is gay, not ‘a’ gay. C’mon, people, get your gaydar fixed!

 

“Who’s the man and who’s the woman in your relationship?”

We’re sick of your stupid questions…

Quit asking stupid questions about someone’s same-sex relationship – it probably isn’t much different than your boring relationship. If you don’t know what to ask but feel compelled to ask something, just go for, “are you seeing someone?” then leave it at that.

 

“Can I touch your hair?” or any question that’s sparked by racial differences: stereotypical intelligence/skills, athletic ability, hair, eyes, body type, build etc.

No. Do not ask if someone can see differently because of their eyes, or if you can touch their hair.  Way to instantly make someone feel like an outsider and you look like an idiot. I feel like a dick even typing this out, but I am including it here because research has told me it’s important for it to be in this list.

 

“No, but where are you really from?”

And my parents are from Tampa…

When someone says they’re from the United States but you think they look otherwise, and must not have understood your question. Don’t ask where ‘their people’ are from, or whatever. It’s annoying, and you’re not ‘from here,’ either.

 

“What religion are you?”

This is none of your business. And don’t make assumptions about things you know little about.

 

“Who did you vote for?”

Either you already know the answer to this question or you don’t need to know. Unless you’re positive of the answer, don’t ask. It could get messy, I promise you.

 

“How much money do you make?”

A friend joked that people are more open about their sexual history than they are with their finances. If the question comes up amongst close friends or colleagues, it could be okay. Or if you’re seeking transparency in the workplace to see if you should be pushing for a raise or working for a promotion, also okay. But if you’re just bringing it up to figuratively compare dick sizes, then don’t. It’s rude and can be a touchy subject. Also, lie about making more than you actually do and people might start expecting you to pay for more stuff, or ask for a loan.

 

“Are you self conscious about …?”

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Well they probably are now. Thanks for asking. This is along the lines of commenting, “you’re so brave to wear that” or “wish I could pull that off!” – while you’re complimenting them, it’s pointing out that something about them stands out, and not everyone is cool with that.

 

“Do you miss (whatever addiction you’ve recovered from, or are in recovery from)?

Family planned intervention after the taking of this photo.

It’s an addiction, asshole. Sure, they probably “miss it” – but they’re being extremely brave and courageous in facing and beating their issue. Don’t remind them about it.

 

 

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Kinda Kind

Kinda Kind

It’s become my mission to show the world that not only is kindness fun and easy to do, but also that small actions can have giant impacts. That’s why I started Kinda Kind. I’m glad that your path has led you here and I’m glad we’re on the journey together to make kindness badass.